Lizard!

Today was a kitchen sink day. That’s what mom called it as she was putting our coats on us before going outside. I thought we were going to get hit with dirty dishes falling out of the sky, but it turns out that ‘kitchen sink day’ just meant it was snowing, sleeting, and just plain messy out. Normally we don’t venture out on car rides on nasty days but mom had to go to the library for an emergency errand. Translated that means she was out of reading material. (Humans are very hard to understand sometimes!) Apparently, having sufficient reading material is critical since tomorrow mom said we’re getting a lizard.

I was dumbfounded by the news. Not that she was out of reading material, or that we were going to the library – this is a common occurrence in our house. What surprised me was that we were getting a lizard! You see, mom isn’t exactly a reptile person. It was a  surprise when she said a few months back that if she couldn’t have a dog she’d get a cat. A feline. C-A-T! Can you imagine my feelings of betrayal? How could she even consider such a thing? And now this – a lizard!

Of course, my first thought was where would this thing sleep? I’ve heard they need warmth – (well so DO I!) – and I am not about to give up my prime spot in the middle of the bed. Max was equally adamant that the foot of the bed was his and he wasn’t sharing either! Then I started to worry about food – well I am not sharing my food and treats either! Every hound for herself – that’s my motto. Max and I voted and we decided to tell mom we did not want a lizard. We were putting our paws down!

We had to wait until my person got off the phone. She was talking to her mother about buying groceries for the lizard. I couldn’t believe my ears – this lizard thing was going to get a grocery cart full of food! Unfair! Max and I only get (mostly) dog food, not an all-you-can-eat buffet! I had heard enough! I pawed at mom until she hung up the phone, then I confronted her. I was spokesdog for Maxwell and myself. I was bearing my soul. I was trying to be as diplomatic as I could be…and then she howled. Laughing.

She had tears in her eyes, but she kept laughing. Lizard! Lizard! She just saying it over and over again. Lizard! And then she’d start hyperventilating. She took out her phone and found a picture which she showed me:

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LIZARD! She cried out pointing at the picture! At this point I was not only confused, but annoyed! “WE ARE NOT GETTING A LIZARD!”, I stormed.

“You’re right”, she chuckled. “We’re getting a BLIZZARD!!! As in a foot of SNOW! That’s why I was checking that your grandmother had enough food for a couple of days.”

At this, I did what any self-respecting hound would do – I turn to Max and said “Told you so!” Poor Max. He was low canine on the totem pole. All he could do is hang his head and wander over to his bed mumbling something about people being hard to understand. They sure are Max – but at least we don’t have to share the bed with a reptile. 🦎

 

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1 Comment

  1. Oh my that was so funny… I think a foot of snow is way more exciting than a lizard! It’s good that the humans think to make sure all the food cupboards are full in case you get snowed in!

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