SQUIRREL!

We’ve had a couple of mishaps in the last couple of months. In my defense, I was just doing my job. My people think I’m overachieving. Okay, I think that – they just think I’m creating carnage. My job, for those who may have forgotten, is perimeter patrol and rodent extermination. I chase squirrels. And chipmunks. And possums. And woodchucks, bunnies, mice, and, well you get the point. I chase things. I’m fast too! That seems to be the problem – I’m too fast. It’s no fun really – I see the intruder, I chase, and BAM! the next thing I know my people are outside screaming like banshees!

They really freak me out when they come outside half clothed (what will the neighbors think?), waving their arms (who do they think they’re flagging down?), and screeching “DROP IT!!!” (do they secretly think they’re police and I’m armed?) I worry about them! It’s also embarrassing.

My people think I enjoy catching my prey. For the record, I do not. The thrill for me is in the chase – the limp aftermath is rather disappointing – especially when my person pries my mouth open and flings the deceased over our fence into the woods. No chance to say goodbye. No chance to toss it around myself a couple of times. No! My person just grabbed my squirrel by the tail and pulled this crazy Wonder Woman routine, with the squirrel like a furry lasso, until it was airborne, plunging towards earth. I could only watch in horror. She dented my squirrel! This is what occurred last week when I caught my second squirrel in as many months.

In my distress, I decided something needed to be done. I scoured the internet and found the solution – squirrel protection! So I’m ready to make an investment for my little Sciurus carolinensis’ friends. No more casualties. No more embarrassment by humans. And best of all, I can still engage in my canine fitness program! It’s a win-win- win!

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