I was born this way!
THE Lady Gaga concert in Boston is on Tuesday! I am her number one fan!! I have been preparing for this concert for months: I have learned all her music and practiced my little monster growl until I’m sure I can out monster growl anyone at the show. I have been looking forward to this day, counting the hours and minutes! But today, my people announced I wasn’t going.
I was shocked! My mouth opened so wide I drooled in a very undignified, unladylike manner. How could they? When I asked why, they told me it was because I was a dog. I looked at them stunned. Yes, I am a canine, but that has never stopped us from doing things together before. I’ve gone to Boston with them, on vacation, to the beach – always together as a family! I am Canis lupus familiaris – that’s latin for canine wolf who belongs with the family! They told me that this was different. They told me that sometimes there are places where canines can’t go. They said they didn’t make up the rules, it’s just the way things are.
Frankly, I wasn’t understanding – why are there places where canines can’t go?? Who makes up these crazy rules? People and canines have been together for over 15,000 years! We go to war, hunt, find lost people and animals – always together. We are the only species that can read the eyes and body language of humans (and, with the proper stare, control their actions into giving us a treats). We warn them of danger, protect them, love them – never asking for anything in return other than to be with them. I just want to be with my people to see Lady Gaga!
I guess I also want to know who made up the anti-dog Lady Gaga concert policies? I’m pretty sure it’s not Lady Gaga since she has had Great Danes star with her in her videos. She wouldn’t share the spotlight with canines and then just bar them from her shows! No, I can’t believe she would do that! Besides, her new single “Born this Way” is about loving yourself for who you are. She would understand that it’s not my fault that I was born a canine. She would probably hold my muzzle and sing “Born this Way” to me:
It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
‘Cause you were born this way, baby…
…”There’s nothin’ wrong with lovin’ who you are”
She said, “‘Cause He made you perfect, babe”
“So hold your head up, girl and you you’ll go far,
Listen to me when I say”…
…I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way…
Then I’d lick her face, tell her how much I love her. I’d tell her how I had been planning on dying the tip of my tail purple for the show. She’d pat my head and feel my soft velvet ears. She’d whisper that I’d been an inspiration to her. I would give her my monster howl. She’d kiss me and we’d pose for pictures. It would be a dream come true.
But it isn’t going to happen. I’ve accepted that. Instead, I am going to just stay curled on the sofa, dreaming of what a magical night it could have been. Hoping that my people will at least get me a t-shirt!