I seem to be having a bizarre week. First, I had a frightening experience when an undergarment belonging to one of my people snapped and bit me!! You see, my person was in the shower. I was trying to move the undergarment to another spot on the bed so I wouldn’t accidentally lie on it. It fought me -then bit me! I thought my person would comfort me in my hour of need. I was hurt – okay my ego was hurt – but still I was hurt! I thought I’d be held, kissed and told everything would be okay. No. Apparently people take the side of their vicious undergarments over their canines in these situations! How did I know that after an undergarments bites it renders them unusable to people? How did I know that people even have favorite undergarments?! I decided that I should just keep a low profile and hope the week got better.
I am very lucky that my people have staggered work days and weeks. It means that I only have to be by myself for short spans of time during the day. At lunch, they come home so I get to go outside, stretch my legs and work my nose a bit. Social responsibility is important in my house so we have our feeders out to feed the unfortunate homeless birds. I’m not shy to tell you that I have become protective of my birds! It has become necessary that I protect them from preying felines, who quietly wait under the bushes to ambush my avian friends. I sound the alarm every chance I get to blow any element of surprise those feline terrorists think they have over my feathered friends.
Yesterday, a new threat appeared at my feeders! My person had just let me out, so I was just starting my feeder patrol. All of a sudden I see this furry flash of grey leaping towards a feeding station. Adrenaline kicked in full throttle! Before I could think, I leapt at the grey invader. YES! I caught it mid leap! This is the point where things get a little fuzzy for me. I remember having the furry thing in my mouth when my person started chasing me around the yard, arms waving and screaming: “Stop!” “Drop it!” “Leave it!” “Daisy Come!” “Daisy Stop!” “NO!!” “Daisy STOP!!” It was the most awesome game! When I was first adopted we played a game with toys that I would chase and catch, but it was NOTHING like this!
The grey thing was wiggling in my mouth, my person was chasing me up, down and around the whole yard! All I could think about was that my people are the most fun and definitely the best! After a few laps around the yard, I had had enough, so I ran up the porch stairs. I was going to bring the grey thing inside so we could play later (all that running had made me a little tired and thirsty). But my person wanted to play some more apparently. They stood at the bottom of the stairs screaming “Off!” “Down!” “Drop it!””Come!”
Between you and me, people really need to make up their minds before they tell you to do something. I was a little confused. But if they wanted to play the chase game again – (I don’t mind helping them exercise) – why not?! So I jumped off the porch and ran around again with my person in hot pursuit. Am I lucky or what?! In the middle of this, the grey thing started slipping out of my grasp. I almost dropped it! So I quickly rearranged it to get a better grip when it went limp. I think it fainted or something.
I wasn’t sure what to do, since this never happened with the toys, so I flipped it into the air (I think I had been holding it too tight and it needed fresh air). For what ever reason, my person started screeching again – (people just like to scream I think) – but I have great eye paw coordination, so I caught the grey furry thing again – (People often under estimated my athletic abilities). Just to prove to my person that I do have talent, I tossed and caught the furry one again, only this time, just barely. I managed to snag it by the tail, but a piece fell off. I was staring at the piece that fell off, trying to figure out how to put it back together again, when my person appeared with a peanut butter Kong. By this time, I was frankly, grateful. I was tired of playing and really just wanted a cool beverage and the sofa. Besides, I realized I didn’t know how to put the tail back on. I was going to have to do some research.
Later, after my nap, I Googled ‘How to re-attach grey furry tails’. That is when I discovered I had had a squirrel in my mouth! No wonder my people didn’t want me to kiss them! I suddenly didn’t feel well. That’s when I realized the terrible truth: I killed Rocky “Rocket J.” the Squirrel! He had survived generations of baby boomers and syndication and I had destroyed all of that! I had left him tail-less and Moose-less. I would have to fear the forest now – Bullwinkle would surely come to avenge the death of his beloved Rocky! I guess I really should have kept a low profile after the undergarment incident! I should have listened to my people…only I still don’t know what part of “StopcomedropitleaveitDaisynoDaisycome” I should have obeyed.
Signed, A Remorseful Coonhound